Figuring out the next step is hard. I planned and researched and wrote a general idea of my travel route. I even bought a few supplies for my car! But a nagging voice kept telling me that this wasn't my path. This wasn't going to be my time. Something was off. Maybe it was the timing (Winter is Coming) or maybe the people telling me I'm crazy (thanks mom). Telling me they would prefer I not travel by myself; it's not safe. Take someone with me. Do I even have enough money? What about my apartment? Am I going to leave my roommate to cover the rent? What about my furniture?
All valid questions.
I decided I wasn't going to quit my day job and travel the USA. At least not today. I'm still on a mission to find my peaceful place, a place to bring me joy, contentment, and feelings of home, but the discovery of said place must (hopefully) be accomplished through quick weekend trips. Hop on a plane, take a short drive, maybe jump on a train.
Am I the only one that feels like something is missing from life? Does family and love bring the contentment that I'm missing? Does satisfaction from a job provide this contentment? Do close friends and physical activity disguise itself as contentment through brief moments of bliss?
I'd like to have it all (who wouldn't, right?). Job, love, friends - 100% satisfaction from all areas of life.
So, make a move says the inner voice. Stop standing still. Fight, swim to the surface. Can't you feel yourself drowning?
I've been applying for jobs in Colorado, Arizona, Washington (state), Iowa, and Texas. Of course no one responds. Silence. Do you hear those crickets? So what now?
These feelings of hesitancy are foreign. Where's the decisive girl who knew what she wanted out of life and how she was going to achieve it? I'd like to see her again.
For now, my main focus is on meeting that girl again. Of taking control of my life and making plans that actually come to pass. Maybe finding happiness in one of these areas will allow me a stopping point, a point that will eventually lead to contentment in all areas.
Wish me luck!
If you're not getting happiness from your job (which is understandable, as most don't), try creating something. Whether it's a book, a well-curated blog, a podcast, short stories, whatever--that may give you some internal satisfaction and happiness. If I can help in any way, let me know!